Echobox is a fictional retelling of ancient Greek myths. There are countless versions of these stories, with just as many cultural and linguistic nuances. For the sake of storytelling and adaptation, we’ve taken creative liberties and added our own flair to many of the stories. The stories and characters of Echobox are by no means the only versions nor should they be taken as the ‘correct’ ones. Neither should they be taken as an accurate representation of who these deities were and are to their worshippers. Thank you for your help in remaining respectful to deities and practitioners!
Today’s episode features CONTENT WARNINGS for mentions of drug abuse, parental abuse, and sexualixation of minors.
[MUSIC FADES IN] Now put some headphones on, sit back, and enjoy the divine drama of episode one. This is Echo speaking.
[ECHO’S VOICE ECHOING HELLO]
ECHO: Oh, wait.
[PAPERS SHUFFLING IN THE BACKGROUND]
ECHO: Oh, great. Welcome to Echobox, your favorite hot spot for all the Olympian gos’. My name is Echo and I’m here to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me god.
CAT MEOWS in the background.
ECHO: Not right now, baby. Anyway… I never really saw myself starting a podcast.
My mom used to tell me that if I wanted to amount to anything in life, I should learn to keep my mouth shut. She never guessed that in a few years time, anyone with a little bit of spite and a good mic set could start a free radio show on the internet. [BEAT] I don’t have a good mic set, but I do have a lot of spite, so it balances out.
ECHO: I made this podcast to open the box and tell people everything – and I mean everything – they ever wanted to know about the Olympus Records royalty.
ECHO: But first, an introduction. Not of myself, of course. I don’t matter. I’m talking about the people that will be quite popular here every episode. Let’s start from the beginning, okay? You probably heard of the Olympus brothers. If you didn’t, ask your mom – she did, for sure, and she probably had posters of them shirtless on her wall. They were the biggest boy band about 30 years ago, and they were everyone’s wet dreams in the nineties. And still are now, if you’re into that kinda thing. I’m not going to judge.
ECHO: The oldest one is Hades – you probably don’t remember him much. He was the quiet one, the one who lurked in the corner of the stage while his younger brothers took the spotlight.The moment the band broke off, he disappeared from the public eye, and most people think that he has married off and just moved on with his life.
ECHO: Sweet mistake. No one in the Olympian family just gets to move on with their life.
ECHO: Hades now works at his baby brother’s company as a lawyer. Yep. From sensational popstar to… lawyer. It’s depressing, but I’ll tell you a secret: Hades is a bit depressing. He’s as single as they come, and spends his days avoiding legal scandals for his brother and nephews, with a legal team made of three goth kids who dress like vampires and think they’re too cool to talk to you – and let’s face it, they probably are. There isn’t much to say about him other than that. He’s… kinda boring
ECHO: Poseidon is… Poseidon. You probably remember him for his striking blue eyes and laid back stance. Not much has changed. He’s the marketing director at Olympus Records right now – a job that sounds real, but when it comes to Poseidon, it really isn’t.He has an army of interns that do the job for him while he’s out in Carbon Beach. Again, not that interesting.
ECHO: Who we really want to talk about here is the younger brother and the star of the show: Zeus. Zeus was the one that was in the middle in each photoshoot, the one that stood in the center of the stage, the one that commanded the interviews. He was the king, not only in the Olympus Brothers, but in the entire music scene. And if you know anything about the production industry… you know he still is.
ECHO: When the band fell off, it didn’t take long for him to get the Olympus Records up. And every artist in the world wants to be blessed by the sponsorship of the Olympians. Zeus has his dirty little fingers in more places than you can imagine. Every record deal has passed through him, has his seal of approval. You don’t do anything in Los Angeles without Zeus hearing about it. [BEAT] I hope he hears about this.
[ECHO CLEARS THROAT]
ECHO: Anyway, he married Hera. Yeah, that Hera. Beautiful child star with no scandal in her life up until she married a thunderstorm personified. They’re blond, they’re white, they’re beautiful. You know the drill. They had two beautiful perfect children, and one… quite not so perfect. More on that later. And then Zeus went ahead and decided to have four children out of wedlock. Oh yes. They’re still married, if you’re wondering.
ECHO: Yup. Hera likes to blame Zeus’ lovers for his misdoings, or his current secretary. Whatever makes you sleep at night, Hera dear. At least it seems he learned how to wear a condom in the past 20 years. Still, the family has enough kids to feed Echobox episodes until the end of time.
ECHO: The elder kid is Hephateus. He’s not very popular. He was a cute baby alright, but didn’t grow up to be handsome. I heard Hera herself call him ugly – and if your mom thinks you’re ugly, truly, what are you supposed to do? I’m shocked he’s still allowed in the family pictures.
ECHO: But maybe his wife has something to do with it. You probably know Aphrodite from her beauty videos and TikTok dances. Yeah, sorry, she’s married. To… him.
I wish I understood too.
ECHO: Then, I have Ares. You might know him from Aphrodite’s beauty videos. Whenever she needs someone to do a challenge with, she invites him. Do we wanna talk about what that even means? Maybe. I’ll let you guys think about it. I don’t want to spill all the tea too early, right? As Hera likes to say, no self respecting woman would do that on a first date.
ECHO: And… Athena. Athena is not very popular, and she seems to want to keep it that way. When she finished high school, she got into all the Ivy Leagues in the US and even a few prestigious universities in Europe. She ended up going to Stanford. Zeus would not let any of his cult- I mean, kids, go out of state for something that wasn’t singing and dancing on a stage. Also, I think Athena just really takes the pleasure in telling people she did get into all the Ivy schools.
ECHO: All three of them had the blessing of being Zeus’ legitimate children – or of having Hera as their mother – so they weren’t forced and drilled through the industry before they even knew how to sing their ABC’s.
ECHO: Hephasteus works in tech right now, taking a lot of trips down to Silicon Valley and leaving his lovely wife to the company of his younger brother. Ares has a job on Olympus Records because that’s the only place that would hire him, but all he does is annoy and flirt with the interns. I think all the video games messed up with his brain. Athena studies for a living, and she just got her masters degree. Now, she’s back in Hollywood, baby, and she’s working for her uncle Poseidon in the marketing team. Is she qualified for the job? Of course not. She just spent the last five years studying myths and legends.
But daddy Zeus would only pay for her PHD if she worked a few years on Olympus Records, so… She’s doing her time. And she’s really not happy about it. Neither is her uncle, if we’re going to be honest. They fight like cat and mouse every day. It’s very annoying to everyone around them, but when did anyone from that family ever cared about anyone but themselves?
ECHO: But hey. It could be worse. You could be one of the bastard kids. They got the money and the attention that comes from being a child of Zeus, yes. But they also got the need to prove to their father that they are worth it.
All the time.
ECHO: The oldest of them are the twins, Artemis and Apollo. They’re the only ones of Zeus’ bastards who have the same mother, and that’s only because it was physically impossible for them to not to. Their mom, Leto Delgado, was the nanny for Zeus’ legitimate children. Do you want to guess how long It took for Zeus to decide he didn’t really care for his wife’s post-three-babies body and that the latina nanny was pretty fucking hot?
ECHO: Yep. Less than three months. But no one cares about Leto. Everyone cares about her kids.
ECHO: Artemis and Apollo were everyone’s favorite golden kid stars. They sang love songs together in a way that no siblings should be singing. Zeus ran them both through the mill, acting and dancing lessons, diet plans and things that no one should ever put their own kid through. By the time Zeus was legally allowed to outright sexualize his kids, Artemis was on the cover of Playboy holding up a sheet in front of her body and Apollo was grinding shirtless on stage.
ECHO: Artemis said fuck it pretty soon after that. She tore up her deal with Olympus Records, released a new album on her own. They are no songs that you could dance to at the club, but a lot of ballads and acoustics with she/her pronouns that would make every gay girl squeal with excitement. Thanks, Artemis. She still comes over to family dinners. Yeah, it’s as awkward as you can imagine.
ECHO: Apollo… Apollo is too much of his daddy’s golden boy to do anything like that. I’m sorry to all his fans out there, but his lyrics are bullshit. He doesn’t write any of them, and he’s too high most of the time to even know – or care – about what’s going on. His assistant has to go on more cocaine runs than coffee ones. And his dad doesn’t even care. He doesn’t even care about that Icarus story. As long as Apollo keeps bringing in the bucks, and keeps being the obedient boy he was trained to be, Zeus is happy. And what all of his kids seem to worry about is making him happy. I mean, except if you’re Artemis. She is kind of a badass.
ECHO: The next kid on the line is Hermes. He can’t sing. Unfortunately or fortunately for him – I will let you pick. Of course, the lack of talent didn’t stop Zeus from finding a task for him. Or rather, all the tasks. Hermes’ job description is… Um… assistant, PR manager, delivery boy, anything else you can imagine. The dude has 30 jobs and is probably the only one who actually knows all the interns and assistants’ names. He’s not too bad – he just defends his father too much. You know, he could use a backbone or something. I doubt he even gets paid that well. With no songs of his own, he tries to earn his dad’s love through overworking himself.
ECHO: As if Zeus could love anyone other than himself.
ECHO: And then to top it all off – I promise I’m almost over, Zeus is just kind of a slut… We got Dionysus. Dio’s mom was a fan that got lucky to catch Zeus’ attention when he was in a particular stupid streak and decided to not wear a condom. We don’t know much about her, except that she has a couple vices that certainly bled into her kid. I’m just saying that he is twenty and half of his instagram posts are about alcohol.
ECHO: Take that as you will.
ECHO: Dionysus is a little chaotic. His songs don’t make much sense, but they’re the top hits at any party playlist. Right now, though, he is trying to get into Broadway. I still don’t know if he hasn’t gotten his big break yet because Zeus doesn’t want his kids doing something as heartfelt as theater, or because his influence is not as strong on the East Coast. I… need to figure that out, I guess. I’ll keep you updated.
ECHO: Wow, okay. I think this covers about most of the Olympus fam. Yes, I know there are other people. But no one in today’s age has the attention span to listen to me blab for two hours.
ECHO: Thanks for listening to Echobox, and tune in next week to hear up on some real juicy stuff. This is Echo, logging off.
Echobox is written and produced by the Echobox Podcast Team. This episode stars, in order of appearance, Isabella Sales as Alex/Echo. It was written by Isabella Sales. Audio and sound design by Corienne Swanson and Marianna Marcon. Logo design by Lucas Eduardo Bueno and website by Andy Cerdan.
Transcripts for this episode and others can be found on our website by transcriber Maxwell Caetano. Our website also has additional in-universe content and ways to get in contact with us. Visit echoboxpod dot net or check the show notes for a link.
Echobox is created out of love for storytelling and provided at no profit to us. Your feedback is our reward! Reach out on our website or find us at echoboxpod across social media.
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Thank you for listening. Until next time, dear listeners.