Echobox is a fictional retelling of ancient Greek myths. There are countless versions of these stories, with just as many cultural and linguistic nuances. For the sake of storytelling and adaptation, we’ve taken creative liberties and added our own flair to many of the stories. The stories and characters of Echobox are by no means the only versions nor should they be taken as the ‘correct’ ones. Neither should they be taken as an accurate representation of who these deities were and are to their worshippers. Thank you for your help in remaining respectful to deities and practitioners!
Today’s episode features content warnings for mentions of parental abuse and alcoholism.
Now put some headphones on, sit back, and enjoy the divine drama of episode five, Hades Crawled Out Of His Cave.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND]
ALEX: [SIGH] Yes?
ZEUS: Apollo missed his shoot this morning.
ALEX: This is the first I’m hearing of it.
ZEUS: I pay you to keep a tight ship around here and yet today, we are missing our star of Vogue Magazine. Why didn’t you make sure he arrived on time?
ALEX: Because you scheduled me to take notes at your meeting this morning?
ZEUS: And where are those notes?
ZEUS: Make sure you type them next time. I don’t like reading chicken scratch.
ALEX: Sir, do you want me to hire a personal assistant for Apollo?
ZEUS: No. Kid needs to take some responsibility for himself. Next time, you make sure he’s on time.
ALEX: Yes, sir.
ZEUS: Perseus has been whining lately so I need you to take him out to lunch. Treat him to something special. Use the company card and invite Andromeda. She’s a good influence on him. Good pictures for the media too. Get yourself a table next to theirs to supervise too. Can’t have wandering eyes.
ZEUS: And don’t forget, I want producer’s notes on Pan’s new single. If it’s going to bomb, I don’t want to pay for another album. Understood?
ALEX: I’m already on it, sir. And your list from earlier is finished.
ZEUS: Flowers for my wife?
ALEX: Already sent. With chocolates from Greece.
ZEUS: And for Alcmene?
ALEX: Sent her the set you picked out from Victoria’s Secret.
ZEUS: Wonderful. Back to work, Alejandra. I want an update on what you’re working on after lunch.
ALEX: But what do you want me to do? Lunch with Perseus or Pan’s producer’s notes?
ZEUS: Figure it out. That’s what I pay you for. Adios!
ALEX: Hello? Olympus Records, Mr. Olympus’ Office. May I ask who’s calling?
NARCISSUS: Hey there, Sunshine. Is the big boss around?
NARCISSUS: Oh, come on, baby. Don’t give me that silent treatment. We had a good time, right? Focus on that! If you work hard, I’m sure your big break is right around the corner.
ALEX: The big break you stole from me, you mean? Whatever. Not the point. Mr. Olympus is out for lunch.
NARCISSUS: Without me? Damn. Tell him to give me a call about that new contract. Or if you want to grab lunch with me to talk about the big break.
ALEX: A call about your new contract. Will do.
[PHONE SLAMS DOWN]
HADES: Someone causing you trouble? Let me guess, Apollo again?
ALEX: No, there’s no trouble, sir. Mr. Olympus is out on lunch. I can schedule an appointment for later today if you’d like to speak with him or I can take a message.
HADES: No need. I’m the person he’s having lunch with.
ALEX: Oh. [BEAT] Can I help you with anything else then?
HADES: What do you know about “Echobox” Podcast? I assume my brother’s mentioned it to you.
ALEX: No, sir. But it’s the talk of the office. I assumed it was being, uhm, dealt with.
HADES: You listen to it?
ALEX: Of course not, Mr. Olympus, my job’s too demanding to listen to a silly, slanderous podcast in my free time. Not that my job’s too much for me to handle.
ALEX: Are you sure there’s not something else I can help you with, Mr. Olympus?
HADES: I have a contract for you. Just an NDA, nothing too fancy.
ALEX: I’ve already signed one of these.
HADES: I’m aware. This one has added stipulations about the information you might overhear working at a job such as this.
ALEX: I don’t need a lawyer present do I?
[BEAT, PAPERS CONTINUE TO RUSTLE]
ALEX: Just sign here?
HADES: And initials here and here.
HADES: Much appreciated.Don’t think we don’t trust you, Alex. We wouldn’t work you to the bone if we didn’t.
ALEX: Thank you, sir.
HADES: And if you find a rat working here at the studio, please point them out to me. Even better if you manage to get something incriminating on a text or a voice recording. You subordinates all talk to each other, don’t you? We’ll find the leak soon. I set a few mouse traps around the office and I know one of them has to go off soon.
ALEX: Mouse traps, Mr. Olympus?
HADES: PA’s like you, some of the more trustworthy managers, and myself of course. We can’t have another Cassandra on our hands, now can we? It’s not good for the brand or the reputation of our company. Or all of Zeus’ little showmen either, I suppose.
ALEX: Of course. I can write a list of everyone I’ve heard mention this “Echobox” and send it to you.
HADES: Atta girl. Now I know why Zeus drags you along everywhere.
ALEX: Hmm. Thank you?
HADES: Just keep your mouth away from his pants, won’t you?
HADES: Well, I’m off. You’re taking Perseus out?
ALEX: Looks like it, yes. Why?
HADES: Take him to The Lotus. It’s an excellent date spot and there’s plenty of paparazzi there. Draw some attention from Zeus and I.
ALEX: Noted. Have a good lunch.
[DOOR CLOSES, ECHOBOX INTRO PLAYS]
ECHO: Welcome back to Echobox, your one-stop shop for all the dirt on LA’s favorite family. Today is a special episode for all of you thirsty emo girls out there because we’re talking about everyone’s favorite tall, dark and brooding asshat, Hades.
ECHO: My inside source told me he’s going around threatening the employees of Olympus Records into being quiet. More NDA’s. More legal shit. More of his creepy glares. It used to be the office could count on Hades to never leave his cave down in Legal, but now there he is, bringing the mood down all over the place.
ECHO: Thanks, Hades.
ECHO: Looks like Hades isn’t as smart as he looks. I mean casting one huge net to catch my source? Is it old age or sniffing Sharpies at law school kills too many brain cells? Hades, you can make your dogs sign as many NDA’s as you want but you won’t get very far. I’m as unaffiliated with Olympus records as your mother.
ECHO: Go cry into your NDA agreements, Hades. I know you have to be worried if Hermes isn’t doing your dirty work trying to get these signed. Hermes, if you need a shoulder to cry on, give us a call and come join the dark side! It looks like you’re getting replaced.
ECHO: And now I know you’re all listening. Hermes and Hades and Zeus and everyone else in that family. So, do me a favor and fuck off. This show isn’t for you, it’s for every unsuspecting fan you’ve ever managed to trick. Unless you plan on having a change of heart, giving away your dirty money, and retiring early. Then you’re welcome to listen all you want!
ECHO: Should we get back to Hades?
ECHO: Born on a winter solstice to Rhea and Cronus Olympus, Hades Olympus grew up in Nashville, Tennessee in the shadow of his father and the Titans. The rock band, The Titans, were a huge hit and scored national recognition and fame, blah blah blah. You guys always want me to read the “official” wiki page but this just breezes over all the juicy details.
ECHO: Hades as a kid didn’t do much except follow his dad around. He wasn’t worth anything until Zeus was born. Honestly, he still isn’t. At least not without his brothers to carry him. When Cronos heard Zeus sing, he knew that he could make a hot buck out of his boys. You remember how boybands were all the rage then, right? And here’s an obsessive stage dad with three boys! A perfect plan for an uncertain future. After all, most of the other members of the Titans retired by then. Cronos, on the other hand, wasn’t about to step out of the spotlight so willingly.
ECHO: The Olympus Brothers sang, Cronos started drinking, and Rhea learned to pocket the ticket money. As soon as Rhea had the cash, she got out. Cronos wasn’t happy, you know, as most drunks aren’t, and that leads to the ultimate split of the family. Zeus followed Rhea to LA, probably the only smart decision either has made in their lives, but Poseidon and Hades didn’t.
ECHO: Now, here’s the big question: what made the older boys stay with Cronos? Abuse? Money? The crippling self doubt of knowing your baby brother is the only one talented enough to sustain a solo career? Dear listeners, isn’t it convenient that when Hades did leave, Cronos died and his will stated everything went to Zeus.
ECHO: See, before Rhea wisened up, Cronos saved up a nice little nest egg. All those sweet years of child stardom, Cronos wanted nothing but to leech off his underage gold mines. There’s no official numbers, but he had quite a lot saved up while he languished in their Nashville mansion, while Poseidon smoked weed by the pool and Hades read the entire gothic canon in his coffin.
ECHO: Then Cronos died. And suddenly, Zeus got sole access to that small fortune, the same money he used to ease out of his solo career and start up Olympus Records, which made him a fuckton more money off the backs of dozens of other careers. And of course he hired his less talented, useless brothers to work with him. Didn’t need to since he had all the money, but he did anyway.
ECHO: So what am I saying? That Cronos died and Hades rewrote the will? Bribed Zeus with the new will and took advantage of his fame to work behind the scenes magic and start the studio? No, that’s defamation of character. I’m not saying that at all. [ALEX LAUGHS] See Hades, I’ve learned your little tricks.
ECHO: And for all you Poseidon stans, in this hypothetical scenario, he just got really, really lucky to be the useless stoner brother in this particular family. Congrats!
ECHO: The boys are seen together for the first time in ages at the funeral. Lots of suspiciously photogenic tears. Then Olympus Records opens. Hades goes to law school to study up on music contracts, copyright law, NDAs, all that good stuff. Starts working as the head lawyer around the studio, pulling who knows how many strings. Poseidon gets a role in marketing he absolutely was not qualified for. And Zeus, and his fortune, continue to shape Hollywood to the desires of the Olympians.
ECHO: I know you don’t want a history lesson. That’s not what you tune into my podcast for. So, what’s Hades up to now other than being Zeus’ lapdog you ask. Well, we already talked about harassing employees, but there’s something else.
ECHO: While everyone was drooling over Perseus and Andromeda yesterday, there was a top-secret meeting held between Zeus and Hades. So what? Two brothers have lunch together. Stop being so paranoid, Echo.
ECHO: Dear listeners, is it ever that simple? Answer: Everything related to the Olympus family is poisoned and twisted. Hades barely talks to ANYONE. Not friends, not girls, not Rhea. Definitely not his baby brother.
ECHO: Hades doesn’t do anything these days that isn’t pull strings, fix Olympian messes, and build up his fortune. He’s the richest of the brothers now, you know? The quietest, no one’s favorite, and absolutely the least talented, but he’s got the most money now. You don’t do all that by popping out for casual lunches with your brother.
ECHO: So Hades, what was your little talk with baby bro about? I’ll tell you one thing, if Zeus and Hades are talking, it’s big news. Here’s some of my favorite guesses: Apollo’s getting a new girlfriend! Someone’s getting married! Somebody got pregnant! Somebody’s getting fired and blacklisted! Maybe someone’s got a new mistress, seeing as fucking is all the Olympian men know how to do! Not Hades, though. Somehow, I doubt he’s ever gotten someone into his bed. Handling prenups and marriage licenses for his brothers is probably the closest he’s ever come to a woman.
ECHO: Anyway, send in your favorite theories and I bet in a few weeks, I’ll be telling you all about it.
ECHO: Oh. Maybe you were talking about me? Let me tell you, I definitely feel powerful knowing I could bring those two brothers together! I guess it must be kind of exciting to have someone talking about you, huh? Word of advice, Hades, most guys would just get a girlfriend for that sort of thing.
ECHO: Well, Zeus, Hades, I hope your lunch went well! Hopefully Zeus actually helped and didn’t just sit to drink mimosas while you did everything, Hades. Either way, I hope I’m reconnecting the family! I’d consider it a victory for the podcast if we get an Insta post of the whole family on a beach day together this summer or something.
ECHO: Oh, and one last thing, listeners! Go ahead and request a copy of that will if you get a free moment this week. It’s public, and there’s a document history that’ll show you what it was like just a few months before Cronos passed away.
[ECHOBOX OUTRO BEGINS TO PLAY]
ECHO: And if any of you have any hot tips or rumors to share, you can send them to me through my email. I promise I’ll keep it anonymous. See you next week. This is Echo, logging off.
Echobox is written and produced by the Echobox Podcast Team. This episode stars, in order of appearance, Damon Alums as Zeus, Isabella Sales as Alex/Echo, Killian Willard as Narcissus and Frank Lopes as Hades. It was written by Corienne Swanson and Sebastián Ponsa Nazario. Audio and sound design by Corienne Swanson, Meg Mckellar, and Marianna Marcon. Logo design by Lucas Eduardo Bueno and website by Andy Cerdan.
Transcripts for this episode and others can be found on our website by transcriber Maxwell Caetano. Our website also has additional in-universe content and ways to get in contact with us. Visit echoboxpod.net or check the show notes for a link.
The music we used today was Ethernight Club and Magic Scout Cottages by Kevin McLeod, licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 from creativecommons.org/by/3.0.
Echobox is created out of love for storytelling and provided at no profit to us. Your feedback is our reward! Reach out on our website or find us as echoboxpod across social media.
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Thank you for listening. Until next time, dear listeners.